Himitsu no Omoi
by depression76
Summary: SASAMEKI KOTO FIC Tired of false hopes, Sumika tried to wash it all away. Sumika-centric. Rated T bcoz K is a tad too childish.


**HIMITSU NO OMOI**

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**A/N: **This came to me when I was re-reading chapter 26 for the um...30 something-ish time. A what if, that comes with Sumika's words at the last pages of chapter 26. There're foreshadowings of future grammar and typos coz English isn't my 1st language. Reviews will be appreciated.

**Timeline: **Probably after chapter 26. I mean, after that chapter- Sumika had quite calmed down around Kazama right? What had happened?

**Summary**: Tired of false hopes, Sumika tried to wash it all away.

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""_What the hell do you even know about Lotte?! She said she wants to be stronger. She said she wants to be just like me. She said she likes me just how I am! She said she loves how big and strong I am! And I... I... can't become any smaller or cuter!!"_

The black haired girl shuts her eyes, her fists clenched upon the edges of the bathtub. Images from the past washed over her as the girl realized that she cant take back the words that she'd said.

This memory was the most painful to remember. They said wounds will heal in time. But that wasnt true for her. Seasons had past since she had said those terrible words, but the scar in her head never healed.

Sumika remembers as though it had happened yesterday.

The loud poundings of the rain. The eeriely silent hallway. The loud drumming of her heart did not manage to cover the furious pounding of blood in her ears. Shame had welled up within as everything settled slowly to place. The lithe form of the pale blonde girl upon the wet concrete was like a twisted painting, pretty and heartwrenching.

It was all Sumika's fault for Lotte's sickness. If she hadnt go for that jog this morning...Lotte wouldnt be sick. If she hadnt agreed in training Lotte...Lotte would be here, with her. If only Sumika hadnt tried to go between Lotte and Kazama...!

Kazama's hurt face hit Sumika with the force of a heavily swung blunt object. She could feel the same tears she had then streaming down her face right at this moment.

Kazama's voice had acted as the trigger, it was as though the floodgates had been opened at once. Years worth of hidden heartaches and supressed emotions...they flew out freely and Sumika was helpless to stop it. She finally snapped.

"_Stupid...!" _The karateka yelled at herself as she tried to drown herself in the small bathtub _"I am so stupid...!"_

Perhaps in the middle of her berrating, the genius girl realized that drowning herself in this small bathtub is as possible as going out with Kazama. She resurfaced with a loud gasp, coughing and spluttering. Her black eyes open slowly, glittering with emotion. Her coughs resonated in the silent bathroom, nearly drowned by the loud pounding of the rain outside.

Ever since she'd said those words, Kazama had been acting strangely around her. Kazama must've hated her, for she had blamed Kazama of her own inferiority complex . It's not Kazama's fault she liked cute girls. And it wasnt her fault that Sumika wasnt any cuter. Sumika felt she'd crossed the line, the feeble line that had unconsciously drawn between the two of them.

Is this it?

Is this the end for their friendship?

"_No...I wouldnt let it end like this," _Sumika thought as she stood up, water splashing around her tall form _"I wouldnt let Kazama suffer again..."_

Kazama was her very first friend. The very friend she loved with all her heart. The same friend she'd hurt.

Sumika wont let the past repeat for Kazama. She'd do everything she can to make Kazama happy.

Looking up at the sky which had the same shade as her eys, Sumika made up her mind.

That right now, she, Murasama Sumika, will let it go. She will let her unrequited, possible true love go.

Together with the rain, she will let her feelings for Kazama to be washed away.

If she cant be there for Kazama as a lover, she'll be there as her best friend. The best friend that will be by Kazama's side no matter what happens.

As long as Kazama will keep on smiling...that's enough for her.

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**A/N: **Angsty? Yeah, I know. But with the rate the story is going I doubt any happiness will come to this two anytime soon. But if it does, I'll be the first one cheering for them.

Oh, and the title means "Secret Feelings" roughly in English.


End file.
